“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” – Job 31:1
At one time, author and apologist Josh McDowell said that pornography was “probably the greatest problem or threat to the Christian faith in the history of the world.” While that may sound dramatic, if you take a minute to consider how pornography affects those who use it, he may not be far off:
- Porn teaches us to regard our fellow human beings not as people to be loved, but as objects for sexual gratification.
- Using porn enables emotional and spiritual immaturity, allowing us to cover over issues in our life and relationships with an artificial sexual release.
- Using porn siphons sexual intimacy away from its intended place in marriage, leading variously to unhelpful comparisons, feelings of betrayal, and sometimes even erectile dysfunction.
- The increasingly violent and degrading nature of pornography normalizes sexual violence, choking, and rape.
- Using porn contributes to an industry of human trafficking; it remains impossible to tell whether on-screen participants are doing so willingly or under coercion.
Even given all of this, in our recent conversation with Parker Hymas from Fight the New Drug, Parker mentioned that very few members of Gen Z see a moral issue with using pornography. For many teens, the idea that someone (boy or girl) would use porn is now considered to be an unremarkable fact.
So, how did we get here?
Well, first of all, exposure to something early in one’s life goes a long way toward normalizing it. As one of Fight the New Drug’s billboards plainly calls out, most kids have been exposed by age 13, though it’s not uncommon for some to be exposed at as young as 7.
And this exposure is not just to pictures of topless women. The sort of content that would have been considered “softcore porn” in previous eras comes to many social media users as a matter of course in their feeds, and may not even be thought of as “porn.” For many teens and pre-teens, “porn” today means high definition videos of aggressive, degrading, and violent sexual activity. To make matters worse, this sort of content is often presented in a deluge of seemingly infinite novelty, purposefully formatted to bypass rational thought and self-control. Add to that a natural, God-given curiosity about the human body and sex, and it’s unfortunately not very surprising that this sort of easily accessible content would become a part of so many teens’ lives.
Half-baked ideas about “female empowerment” can also go a long way toward convincing some teens that creating sexualized content is part of what it means to be an authentic woman. All of this plays right into a culture that, on balance, seems to regard cultivating and maintaining sexual arousal as like some sort of cardinal virtue.
The normalization of pornography (alongside the normalization of pornified content on TikTok, Instagram, in movies, music, etc.) is part of a shift in our culture’s view of the purpose of sexuality. But even more than that, it is a systematic attempt to turn the sacred sexual symbol of Christ’s union with the church into something else. As Christopher West puts it on his podcast,
Eros ultimately can only be satisfied in union with the infinite. What we are really looking for when we turn to porn—when that desire gets untwisted—what we’re really looking for is union with infinite beauty. When we turn to porn, we are turning to the mockery, the diabolical mockery, of the sacramental sign that points us to what we really desire.
Filters, passwords, blockers, and parental controls are helpful for people who aren’t already motivated to find ways around them—specifically for reducing the chances that young children will be accidentally exposed, or for someone purposefully trying to put obstacles in their way. But for someone who is already habituated to porn use, more than that will be needed. When someone uses porn, no matter their age, it’s because they perceive that they are getting something positive from it (maybe a feeling of acceptance, a feeling of attractiveness, a feeling of control, etc…); moving past porn requires identifying whatever that positive thing is and learning how to pursue it in a healthier and more sustainable way.
Action Steps
Take a minute to reflect on whether you’ve ever talked with your son or daughter about pornography. As awkward as it may feel, your kids need your help and guidance in this area. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your involvement here doesn’t matter.
If porn use has been an issue for you, ask yourself what you feel like it’s providing you, and what it would take to address that or pursue it more directly. Sometimes an understanding of struggle can help with empathy in these conversations—but your own healing is an integral part of your son or daughter’s sexual maturity. For help addressing porn use and other unwanted sexual behavior, check out Pure Desire, Fight the New Drug, and/or Fortify. Also, for help initiating conversations about pornography, check out Fight the New Drug’s conversation blueprint.
Prayer
“Father, you created sex, even knowing how we would distort it, become obsessed with it, and turn it into something very different from what you intended. But in your love and wisdom, you show us how to renew, redeem and restore our conceptions of sexuality. Help us to do this, both as individuals and as a family. In Jesus’ name, amen.”