“It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” – 1 Corinthians 7:9
Masturbation is one of the more controversial issues in Christian sexuality, and not one that many people are excited to discuss. But it is an important topic, and one that we’ll approach with the utmost care. We believe that neither porn use nor aiding masturbation with covetous fantasy about someone can be scripturally condoned. However, there is no passage that forbids masturbation itself. Consequently, some Christians believe it should be considered permissible, and others do not. Our goal over these next two days is to present both sides of the discussion, and then invite you to seek the Lord about it and commit the issue to prayer.
Today let’s look at the case against masturbation.
An article from applygodsword.com makes the case that while masturbation is never directly condemned in scripture, it is “condemned through what is condoned.” We are told that sex is for marriage, and masturbation is often called “solo sex.” In the above verse from 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul says that the solution for single people who “cannot control themselves” is marriage, not masturbation. This would seem like an obvious place to bring up masturbation as a “way out” if Paul considered it a legitimate option, so the fact that he doesn’t bring it up is telling.
Sex was designed to be a symbol, and a signpost to the blissful union between Christ and his church. So if that’s what sex symbolizes, what would masturbation symbolize? If anything, it could symbolize self-satisfaction and self-sufficiency, the very opposite of what relationships, sexuality, and the gospel are all about. As Viktor Frankl put it in Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning, “masturbation means being content with tension reduction as a goal.” It takes the meaning and purpose God intended for sex and reduces it down to just a release of pressure.
In Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus prohibits adultery and looking at a woman lustfully. This article from Desiring God makes the case that “Jesus appears to link masturbation with lust when he declares that looking at a woman with lustful intent is sin, and then charges his disciples to take extreme measures with their eyes and hands.” Masturbation is (of course) often fueled by the kind of sinful lust that has been explicitly prohibited: using someone’s image (whether mentally or looking at it in reality) like a virtual prostitute for our self-satisfaction.
C.S. Lewis puts it like this:
For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself… After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.
With all this in mind, a refusal to masturbate can become a symbol of preserving ourselves for the real thing. It can become a way of saying, “I will accept no counterfeits: until I am lawfully married, I will wait to stir up and express my sexuality.”
Action Steps
Take some time to reflect on what we’ve written here. Do these ideas line up with your own convictions? Were you challenged by anything? Is there anything we’ve left out of this picture? Does this represent how you would want your son or daughter to think about masturbation?
Prayer
“Father, you created sex, you created pleasure, and you created our bodies. You know best how every aspect should function. As I keep reading, help me to seek your will, your goodness, and your holiness as it relates to this topic of masturbation, and give me insight on how I ought to talk about these issues with my kids. In Jesus’ name, amen.”