As parents, discussing dating and relationships with our teenagers may seem daunting. We want to ensure they grasp the significance of healthy connections while offering them encouragement and support. Maintaining open communication is vital in helping our teens handle the complex nuances of relationships. This article can be used as a resource when learning how to talk to your teen about dating, providing helpful tips and methods that equip your teen for this essential aspect of their teenage years.
Related: A Parent’s Guide To Teen Dating
6 Conversation Tips for Talking About Dating with Your Teen
1. Define a Healthy Relationship
Begin by exploring the characteristics of a healthy relationship, such as trust, support, mutual respect, and candid communication. It may be helpful to refer to biblical passages like 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 that outlines love’s attributes. In a healthy relationship, both individuals should feel totally comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions, making independent decisions, and maintaining their individuality.
Having a healthy relationship with oneself is essential before anyone can have healthy relationships with others. This valuable life lesson is often something young people haven’t learned yet when seeking out romantic relationships. We should encourage our teens to develop their identity and prioritize self-worth. To learn more about nurturing a healthy sense of self for teens, consult A Parent’s Guide to Teen Identity. By understanding and appreciating their identity, our teenagers will be better equipped to participate in healthy relationships.
2. Discuss the Types of Abuse That Can Occur in a Relationship
It’s important to educate our teens about the different forms of abuse that can exist in an unhealthy relationship, such as physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. Explain each type in detail to help them understand the more obvious types of abuse and the more subtle forms it can take. For instance, physical abuse involves acts of violence like hitting, pushing, or grabbing, and sexual abuse involves non-consensual sexual contact or coercion. Emotional and verbal abuse can be more challenging to identify if they don’t understand how they are defined. Emotional abuse can include manipulation, humiliation, or controlling behavior, and verbal abuse consists of harmful words, insults, or threats.
It’s crucial to teach our teens the signs of abuse to watch for in themselves and others. Discuss the red flags, such as extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, isolation from friends and family, constant criticism, and non-consensual sexual acts. As parents, we should encourage our teens to trust their instincts and seek help if they notice these warning signs in their or someone else’s relationship. Remind them that recognizing and addressing abuse early on can prevent further harm and promote healthier relationships in the future. The Parent’s Guide to Sexual Assault can be a valuable resource for discussing this sensitive issue with teens.
3. Clarify the Distinctions Between Lust, Infatuation, and Love
Teenagers often have difficulty distinguishing between lust, infatuation, and love, as these emotions can seem quite similar at the onset of a relationship. Helping our teens comprehend the differences between these feelings can empower them to understand their emotions better and make healthier relationship choices.
Lust is primarily driven by physical attraction and sexual desire, characterized by an intense passion that quickly fades once the initial excitement wanes. Infatuation, on the other hand, involves idealizing the other person and constantly thinking about them. Although it can feel intense and all-consuming, it generally lacks genuine depth and fades as the infatuated person becomes aware of the other’s flaws and imperfections.
Love, in contrast, is a more profound and stable emotion that develops over time. It embodies genuine care, respect, trust, and a readiness to make sacrifices for the other person’s well-being. Love transcends physical attraction and romantic sentiments, encompassing a robust emotional connection, support, and mutual understanding.
To help our teens better understand these emotional distinctions, we can share our personal experiences and reference fictional scenarios from movies or literature. We should encourage them to examine their emotions and the motivations behind their actions in relationships. Emphasize the significance of building a solid emotional foundation before engaging in a romantic relationship.
4. Initiate the Sex Conversation
Talking about sex with our teens can be a delicate and challenging topic, but it’s essential to address it head-on. By initiating the conversation, we can ensure our teens receive accurate information about sex, understand the emotional and physical implications, and know the importance of consent and safe practices. Don’t shy away from discussing topics like masturbation and pornography, as these can impact our teens’ understanding of sex and relationships.
To help guide this conversation, consider referring to resources like the Parent’s Guide to the Sex Talk, the Parent’s Guide to Talking About Masturbation, and the Parent’s Guide to Pornography. These guides can provide valuable insights, conversation starters, and tips on addressing the complexities of sexual health and relationships with teens. The most important thing to remember when discussing these complicated topics with our teenagers is that we are helping them make better decisions and form healthier relationships in the long run.
5. Establish Clear Boundaries and Expectations
It’s crucial to discuss boundaries and expectations regarding dating and relationships. This conversation should cover topics such as consent, privacy, and communication. Encourage teens to establish and enforce boundaries and be clear about what they expect from a relationship, including how they want to be treated and how they will treat their partner.
Recognizing that cultural issues can significantly shape a teen’s perspective on relationships and expectations is important. To gain a deeper understanding of cultural issues and how they might impact your teen, check out these resources on the Axis website.
6. Offer Your Support
Let your teenager know you are always there for them as they navigate the complex world of dating and relationships. Encourage open communication, listen without judgment, and offer guidance when needed. Utilize resources like the Parent’s Guide to Tough Conversations and the Anxiety Conversation Kit to help facilitate these discussions.
By offering your support, you create a safe and trusting environment for your teen to express their thoughts and feelings about dating and relationships. This trust is crucial for their emotional well-being and can help them make more informed relationship decisions. Your support also signals to your teen that they are not alone in facing the challenges of teen dating and that they have a reliable source of guidance and advice when needed. Additionally, your willingness to listen and engage in open conversations can strengthen your bond and foster a more profound connection that will benefit both of you as they grow and mature. In the end, your support and understanding can be invaluable tools in helping your teen build healthy, fulfilling relationships throughout their lives.
Helping your Teen Navigate Getting Their Heart Broken
Heartbreak is an all-too-common, almost inevitable part of dating as a teenager, so it’s helpful to prepare them for the emotional hurdles that come with painful breakups. Give teens support, empathy, and advice to help them cope with the feelings that accompany heartbreak. Tell them how to examine their experience and extract valuable lessons to learn for the future. Encourage them to express their feelings about what they are going through and let them know that it’s normal to feel sorrow, pain, or disappointment. Reassure them that these feelings are an inherent part of the heartbreak recovery process and that, in time, they will heal and feel like themselves again.
To help your teen navigate the complex emotions associated with heartbreak, utilize resources like the Emotion Conversation Kit and the Parent’s Guide to Teen Emotion. These tools can provide helpful strategies for addressing emotional challenges and fostering healthy coping mechanisms. By being there for your teen during this difficult time, you can help them build resilience and a better understanding of themselves and their emotions, preparing them for future relationships and challenges.
Discussing Dating Relationships with Your Teen
Talking to Your Teenage Daughter About Having a Boyfriend
When discussing dating with your teenage daughter, stress the significance of self-respect, establishing and maintaining boundaries, and understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Urge her to always rely on her intuition and prioritize her well-being in all her relationships with others, not just potential romantic partners. Discuss the value of open communication, assuring her she can always come to you for guidance if she needs help.
Most importantly, don’t underestimate the value of leading by example. Demonstrate to your daughter daily how a healthy and thriving partnership looks by exhibiting respect, trust, and communication in your connections. This will help her set standards in her own relationships as she begins dating. For more resources on how to navigate your teenage daughter and the dating scene, check out the Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating from Axis.
Moreover, be sure to cultivate an environment that encourages candid conversations about her feelings, experiences, and concerns, fostering an atmosphere of support, empathy, and non-judgment.
Talking to Your Teenage Son About Having a Girlfriend
Similarly, when talking to your teenage son about dating, focus on respect, communication, and understanding the signs of a healthy relationship. Encourage your son to treat his girlfriend with kindness and respect, emphasizing the importance of listening and being understanding in his relationships. Discuss the significance of consent and how to approach sensitive topics with his partner.
As with your daughter, it’s crucial to model healthy relationships for your son. Show him how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and maintain trust in a partnership. Encourage him to be open with you about his dating experiences and any challenges he may face. When creating a safe and open space for communication about dating, be sure to check out the Conversation Kit on Dating. By creating this environment of trust and understanding, you can help guide your son as he navigates the world of dating and relationships, fostering healthy attitudes and habits that will serve him well throughout his life.
Talking to Your Teen About Same-Sex Dating
As of April 2023, 25.8% of Gen Z now identifies as gay, bisexual, or are currently questioning their sexuality. And yet, up to this point in time historically, culturally, and anthropologically, heterosexuality has been the norm in virtually every cultural context. It is this norm that the Bible assumes when it talks about romantic relationships, and the vast majority of Christians throughout history have believed that romantic relationships were intended to be between men and women.
It is of course still possible to emphasize the same principles of healthy relationships, consent, and communication that would apply to any other dating scenario. But having said that, it’s important for Christians to understand how and why the Bible defines Godly sexuality. For more on this, check out our new course on How to Talk with Gen Z About Gender and Sexuality.
In addition to discussing same-sex dating, it’s crucial to address gender identity, as it can play a significant role in your teen’s relationships and self-understanding. For a deeper dive into this subject and guidance on how to have meaningful conversations with your teen, try referring to the Parent’s Guide to Gender Identity. This guide can help you explore various aspects of gender identity, offering insights on supporting your teen as they navigate their relationships and personal identity.
Swipe Right on Parental Guidance
Ultimately, the keys to helping our young adults navigate the world of teen dating and relationships are open communication, understanding, and support. It’s important we equip ourselves with the knowledge and resources on how to talk to our teens about dating and guide them through these formative experiences. Doing so will foster a strong foundation for their future relationships.
By creating a safe space for our teens to ask questions, express their feelings, and seek advice, we empower them to build healthy, loving relationships grounded in their faith. Proverbs 22:6 states, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” As parents, we are responsible for guiding our children through life’s complexities, including the challenges and joys of dating and relationships.
Remember that our role as parents is to provide guidance, love, and support as our teens discover their identities and explore the world of dating. Utilize resources like the Parent’s Guide to Identity and Mental Health Guide and the Parent’s Guide to Body Positivity to foster open conversations and help our teens develop healthy self-worth, which is crucial for having healthy relationships. For more resources on helping teens build lifelong faith and navigate the issues they may struggle with as they grow, sign up for the newsletter to stay informed.