Going out. Going steady. Seeing someone. Romantic relationships have taken many forms over the years, and you may have heard a new term floating around among teens: the situationship.
A situationship is a more casual, less defined way of understanding a dating relationship. It’s a distinctly Gen Z phenomenon, and it is a lot different than the concretely-understood relationships of decades past. In this post, we’re taking a closer look at what a situationship is and its emotional and spiritual impacts on younger generations.
What Is A Situationship?
Let’s start with the basics: what exactly is a situationship? At its core, it is a form of a romantic relationship—decidedly more than friendship. But unlike a traditional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, a situationship exists without clear labels, expectations, or commitment. There’s no real timeline, definition, or trajectory attached. Think of it as more of a non-status status—a situation, if you will.
TIME Magazine has defined it this way: “It’s emotionally connected, but without commitment or future planning. The labels ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ don’t really apply, but it’s way beyond a casual hookup.”
Situationships often begin in the early stages of dating, before one or both people are ready to commit to something exclusive. For teens (and young adults) who want to avoid the pressures and expectations of a committed attachment, a situationship exists as a sort of middle ground between the friend zone and serious dating.
But the terrain here is decidedly a little uncertain—and often emotional. Unlike traditional dating, where couples may have a “define the relationship” (DTR) talk to clarify expectations, people in situationships sidestep these discussions. Since no boundaries or expectations have been communicated, one person may see the relationship as a stepping stone to something more serious, while the other remains hesitant to commit.
While a situationship can be a way to delay entering a relationship you’re unsure about, it often results in emotional instability and uncertainty for everyone. When one person desires commitment while the other resists defining the relationship, it creates an imbalance—leading to confusion, insecurity, and often, heartbreak.
Why are teens choosing situationships over relationships?
According to data from the American Survey Center, we know that teens and young adults in Gen Z and Gen Alpha are increasingly less likely to have a romantic partner than they once were. So why are teens putting off serious dating relationships?
Here are some key reasons teens may choose situationships:
- Fear of Rejection: If one person wants to date exclusively but the other party doesn’t, a situationship might feel like a safer alternative. Keeping things loose and undefined can feel like a way to avoid heartbreak.
- The Influence of Hook-Up Culture: Our culture has become driven by instant gratification in romantic relationships, encouraging teens to devalue commitment and prioritize personal pleasure.
- Social Media’s Impact: Online and digital relationships can set unrealistic expectations, making real-life commitment feel unnecessary or even intimidating.
Is there a spiritual cost to situationships?
If teens are actively choosing lower-commitment relationships, what effect does that have on their well-being and identity?
Situationships often lead to confusion at best, and insecurity at worst. With no clear definitions or shared expectations, teens and young adults can be left feeling unsure and anxious about where they stand in the relationship and whether it will dissolve at a moment’s notice. It’s a rocky place to be at an already vulnerable and formative time in a teen’s life.
Blurred emotional expectations often lead to blurred physical boundaries. If the situationship is casual with no strings attached, then the physical boundaries might be even harder to define. This may invite sexual temptation into teenage relationships. Without clear expectations, teens are more likely to cross lines they didn’t intend to.
The very nature of situationships contradicts biblical relationship values, which center on mutual commitment and integrity. Ephesians 5 is one of the key New Testament chapters on marriage ethics. In it, we see a portrait of self-sacrifice, devotion, and intention:
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.”
God’s design for love is about care and true partnership, not confusion and games.
To a teen, a situationship might not seem like a big deal. But in the long run, commitment-avoidance can shape how they approach relationships for years to come. As parents and mentors, we have the opportunity to help our teens build a healthier, God-centered perspective on romantic relationships rather than one that’s built on uncertainty.
How can we guide teens toward healthy relationships?
Healthy perspectives start with open, honest conversations. If sex and dating feel like taboo topics in your home, your teen may never feel comfortable asking you their harder questions. By creating a safe space for discussion, you can help your teen navigate relational challenges with wisdom and confidence.
Teens need to know that they are worthy of relationships that honor their time, emotions, and self-worth. If they are investing their energy and affection into someone, they deserve a relationship that’s mutually intentional and respectful.
So how can you help your teen recognize the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one? Start by teaching them to identify red flags. These include unclear expectations, avoidance of serious conversations, or one-sided effort. In contrast, a healthy relationship is built on clarity, care, and mutual commitment. Teens should understand that clarity is kindness—and that commitment creates a foundation of trust.
Modeling healthy relationships, whenever possible, is also key. Teens need real-life examples of what Christ-centered relationships look like—without shying away from the challenging parts of relationships. For divorced or single parents, teens can see healthy, long-term commitment play out in adult friendships, family relationships, and in their broader communities.
Either way, talking candidly with your teen about relational dynamics will help them set realistic expectations for their own relationships, now and in the future.
To start this conversation, ask your teen what they want in a relationship. How does their current relationship (or their views on dating) align with their values? Helping them think critically about how dating can guide them toward God-centered choices.
What is God’s design for faith and relationships?
Plenty of teens are looking for dating advice—perhaps even Christian dating advice—on social media, among friends, or elsewhere on the internet. Christian influencers like Madi Prewett Trout and Emily Beaney are making the case for faith-focused relationships and sex lives among fellow Gen Z-ers.
But what does God say about how Christians can and should pursue a relationship? What does the Bible say about relationships, love, and commitment?
We know from 1 Corinthians 13 that love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This is the standard God sets for how He loves us and how we should love each other.
The book of Ephesians also tells us that we are called to love each other “just as Christ loved the church.” This means embracing self-sacrifice and, at times, putting the other person’s needs before our own.
However, it’s important to remember that not every person (or relationship) is worthy of our full devotion. Proverbs 4 reminds us to guard our hearts, for everything else flows from it.
Invite your teen to seek God’s guidance, asking Him to shed light on whether their relationships honor God and others. The dating world for young adults is undoubtedly complicated these days. But inviting God into the conversation about dating reminds us that some relational truths are just that: always true.
Your teens are looking to you for wisdom as they navigate the new and uncertain territory of romantic relationships. By rooting your conversations in faith, wisdom, and openness, you can equip them to make healthy and God-honoring choices in their romantic lives.